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Me: I have this bump on the back of my head. I don't know what it's from. I don't think I've hit my head recently. It's freaking me out.
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Boyfriend: It's cancer.
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Me: ... It isn't cancer!
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Boyfriend: Let me feel it.
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Me: Fine... Ow! That hurts, ass!
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Boyfriend: It's definitely cancer.
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Me: I hate you.