I’ve been on a country kick lately and my one friend who is a massive fan of country has a lot of fun giving me recommendations of songs and artists. Today he calls me up and asks, “How’s your day going?”

“Oh, fine, just working on some homework. Feeling pretty good.”

“I’m about to fuck your day up.”

“Hahaha, what?”

So he tells me to go to youtube and watch this video. He says to call him back when I’m done. Halfway through, I text him, “FUCK YOU,” because, dammit, I was crying a little bit. The video is so intensely emotional, even just to watch. I mean, that moment when Jennifer Nettles breaks down and has to stop singing for a second? That’s not even fair! Those aren’t beautiful studio created tears. That is raw emotion that we have no business seeing, but it’s there and it is STUNNING. 

Now, I manage to recover from watching that video. I listen to the song a few more times, download it (legally!), let a few more tears fall, then go about my day. Finish some homework, watch some Australia’s Next Top Model, go out to dinner with my boyfriend before he heads off to work. 

It’s late now and I’m just getting ready to go to bed for the night and this song just hits me again. Out of nowhere I start crying. Not the single tear from the corner of the eye kind of crying. No. More like the silent, tears streaming down my face kind of cry. The one that comes right before the ugly cry.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a song hit me like that, especially not after I’ve heard it a few times already. But this one just doesn’t want to let my brain go. It’s a little emotional terrorist, lodged right behind my eyes.

The worst/best thing about this song? It preys on those little thoughts I try to ignore. The ones I’ve pushed to the back of my mind again and again. The ones I pretend I’m over. I mean, I’m never been the other woman, but there are parts of this song that just make me say, “REALLY!? Really, Sugarland, you gotta make it this personal?” And the one line that is determined to stab me through the heart every I listen to it? “I’ve given you my best/Why does she get the best of you?” Like, fuck, man. I’VE SAID THAT. Not quite those exact words, but that exact sentiment. And that hurts like nothing else. 

So I just texted my friend “FUCK YOU” again. And now I’m going to try to get some sleep.